Past // Present

Hey blogspot,

It's been awhile.  I have completely been neglecting you, allowing tumblr to become my blog of choice for the past two-ish years.  Sorry about that.  I've missed writing though.  Really writing.  Getting my thoughts out in print, on screen, and published, jumbled though they may be.

The past year and a half in particular has been a whirlwind of emotions, ups and downs, and growth.  Firstly, I finally graduated university with a Bachelors of Arts in Art History and Criticism (yay!).  With graduation came all sorts of feelings, financial constraints, and celebrating.  I took it all in and then panicked.  What in the world was I to do in terms of my future now?  What kind of job did I see myself having?  How was I going to make ends meet?

As I continued to slightly lose it I realized that there was no way that I would be able to keep living in my wonderful studio apartment, having quit my steady part-time job a month earlier because I was miserable.  I just didn't have the funds anymore.  I could no longer pay for my space so there seemed to be only one solution as I began to work my way forward:  it was time to move back home.  My parents and family were supportive of my decision, but, to me it still feels like I have regressed.  Moved back instead of forward.

And then jobs!  There seemed to be none everywhere I turned.  I sent out application after application all to no avail.  It was all too much to take in.  After months of frustration, I began to lose hope that I would ever find anything good.  Or even anything bad.  Why wouldn't anyone give me a chance?  I knew that I had something to offer to the workforce, that I could be an asset to any team, and that if only I could prove myself everyone would realize how great I knew I was.
Struggling with all of my feelings and feeling rejected has been my reality now since graduation.  After all this time I am finally employed, but it's still not exactly what I had been holding out for, or what I really wanted.  What I still hope to have someday.  Oh don't get me wrong.  I am so so so so so grateful to finally have a job that I kind of enjoy going to; one that pays all of my bills, even if it is only part-time still.  I have great bosses and I enjoy being around all of my co-workers.  I am closer to that ideal museum setting I've always pictured myself working in.  And I know that this is a stepping off point.  It's just hard to keep focused on all of these positives sometimes.  I get caught up far too often in my current situation and compare it to the ideal situation.  The place I thought I would be at in my life right now.  I had always hoped that things would be more put together and more figured out by the time I turned 25.  And in the next month I'll be 26 and no closer to having it all figured out.  I know that that is all part of growing up, being an 'adult', and all that, but it doesn't make me feel any better when I'm feeling down.        

I've definitely grown though.  And I'm still learning every day.  My family still loves me.  I have friends that really care about me.  I have income and a place to live.  I'm never hungry.  My life could be worse.  My life is pretty great most days.  I try and focus on all of this whenever I have bad days.  And most times it's enough.  I know that things can only get better and that someday soon I'll have things figured out.  Maybe.  And even if I never really have the dream for myself that I always pictured, that's ok, too.  It will be better.  I will get my life where I want it soon.  And in the meantime?  I will continue to think as many happy thoughts as I can.  Because I CAN do this.  This life is pretty great.

Thanks for listening.  You've always been such a great listener.

Talk to you soon.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

My Life Lately

(taken this summer, via  my Instagram)

Since making the decision to move out on my own a little more than 7 months ago I have learned a lot.  A lot about life.  A lot about work.  A lot about myself.  I've learned how important it is to surround yourself with people you love and whom love you in return.  I've learned that toilet paper is a necessity and that I have to overstock on it...or else I might run out without realizing it.  I've learned that it's always a good idea to be nice to people when you first meet them...you never know when you'll meet them again, and how they might impact your life (and vice verse).  I've learned to take time for myself.  I've learned that just because you quit 2 jobs and lose another... doesn't mean that you're a failure.  It just means that you're still searching for what you want.  I've learned how important it is to save enough for bills... but that it's still okay to allow myself to go out occasionally.  I've learned to ask for what I want.

I guess mostly, I've learned to not be so afraid of life.  I may still be single, yes, but I can do things on my own.  I am a strong, successful, and beautiful woman and there is nothing wrong with being myself.  I can do whatever I set my mind to and you know what?  I'll be okay.  My life might not be perfect but I'm okay with that.  I'll be okay.  Things are going the way they're supposed to.

This New Year is going to be a good one.  I can feel it.  Full of exciting new challenges, changes, happiness, laughter, and love.

I hope that whomever is reading this blog (if anyone still is) is doing well.  I wish you a happy year ahead, too. :)

Bring it on 2013!  Let's do this!  

Today:

I am officially signing the papers for my 1st apartment today!  I am slightly scared but ultimately very excited.  This is going to be SUCH an adventure.  May this only be the start of good, new things to happen in my life.  My fingers are crossed!

Happy Sunday! 

xoxo

Better Late Than Never

This holiday break I hope to:

• try some of the local coffee shops here in town (hence the above photo).
• work on my jewelry again. I've been feeling very inspired lately.
• buy my guitar (!)
• spend time catching up with the friends I haven't seen because of school.
• watch lots of movies.
• spend time pampering myself. Hey! It's been a long semester. ;)
• take a road trip. Just because.
• make a dent in the stack of books by my bed to read.
• learn how to knit.
• clean my room...and maybe do my laundry.
• take lots of photos.

Never have I been so excited about the end of a semester at school. I can't wait to make these things happen!

Happy Holidays, ya'll!

xoxo

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like

...Christmas! Of course. ;)

This past week I went out with two of my friends. Our original plan was to spend time at the local museum's Christmas party but once we got there we realized that it was actually a party geared towards kids and families (i.e. NOT young, single ladies). ;) We made an appearance and then decided to go get Mexican food and then go downtown to see the Christmas lights.

It was so much fun. I love my friends!

I hope you all are having a good December so far. I just have to get through this next week and then I'm home free. Die Finals. Die.

Peace Out,

xoxo

One of my favorite poems:

Here in this carpet lies an ever-lovely spring; Unscorched by summer's ardent flame, Safe too from autumn's boisterous gales, Midwinter's cruel ice and snow, 'Tis gaily blooming still. The handsome border is the garden wall Protecting, preserving the park within For refuge and renewal: a magic space. ~Unknown Sufi poet

I feel celestial

Guess who just bought tickets to see this lovely lady in April?

Go on. Guess.

Ok, ok. Yeah. Me. :)

I absolutely cannot wait!

Marina, my darling, I shall see you soon!

Happy Sunday, all.

And enjoy this song until next we speak.

xoxo